


Son of a Preacher Man

by feelssogoodinmyarms



Category: Spring Awakening - Reiss, Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gay, Gen, It gets better tho I swear, Love Triangle, M/M, Songfic, and ilse's still living in an abusive home, but maybe not!!!, ernst x moritz is underrated, moritz and ilse are bffls its canon, oooooo!!!!!!, ooooooo, so just beware, theres some suicidal thoughts, yall are gonna think this is melchritz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2019-08-28 08:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16720218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelssogoodinmyarms/pseuds/feelssogoodinmyarms
Summary: Moritz Stiefel groaned and rolled out of bed. He hadn’t slept all night. For once, it wasn't because of his “special dreams”. There was homework he had to do, his father was angry at him, the whole weight of the world seemed to rest on his shoulders. He had felt that way most of his life, no matter how much he was told it wasn't true. Moritz was a wreck more often than not. More recently he had started to wonder what the point was.





	1. So Are We Damned?

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHOS STARTING ANOTHER LONG FIC THAT I'LL PROB REGRET???? This is gonna be good you guys, it's based off 'Son of a Preacher Man" by Tom Goss, I really recommend the music video. I originally erected this as a Melchritz piece but my thoughts have since changed (read: Melchior doesnt deserve Moritz). I've only written 2 more chapters and idk where to go with this but that's not stopping me from posting it. So strap in here we go!!!

Moritz Stiefel groaned and rolled out of bed. He hadn’t slept all night and for once, it wasn't because of his “special dreams”. There was homework he had to do, his father was angry at him, the whole weight of the world seemed to rest on his shoulders. He had felt that way most of his life; no matter how much he was told it wasn't true. Moritz was a wreck more often than not and more recently he had started to wonder what the point was. Why did he keep getting up and going to school just to fail at everything? He couldn't do anything right, he heard it a lot from his father and teachers all the time. He told it to himself often enough, he didn't need to hear it from them. Thank god for Ilse, she was the only person who seemed to care. Ilse was the only person who could convince him he was worth it. For all the shit she had gone through, it was crazy that she stayed so positive. She had to be some kind of angel. He only wished he could do more to help her. Moritz would probably have killed himself by now if it weren't for Ilse. And Ernst of course, but Moritz had been suicidal longer than he’d known Ernst.

 

Today, he had to go to another one of his least-favorite places: church. The older he got the less church made sense. It was just another place that told him how much of a failure he was. He prayed every night; he hoped that life would get better but it seemed God wasn’t there. It was ridiculous, his father would probably crucify him if he found his son had lost faith in religion, among all the other things he’d fucked up. Church just seemed like another chore.

 

The tired boy stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Dark circles painted the area under his eyes and his wild hair stuck out at ten different angles; not much different from his normal demeanor.

 

“Son!” the gruff, angry voice of Herr Stiefel rang out through the quiet morning like an angry hand hitting still water.  

“Yes?”

“We’re leaving in ten minutes! Look decent!” He barked.

“Yes sir,” Moritz responded monotonously.

 

Moritz’s father was his least favorite person. Moritz couldn’t help but chuckle every time he thought that; how pathetic was it to hate your own father more than anyone else? Ilse must hate her father after all he did to her, but that was different. Herr Stiefel was just cruel and unreasonable; Moritz seemed to let him down no matter how hard he tried not to. After awhile it was just ridiculous to keep trying. Moritz tried to steer clear of his father; the less contact hey had the better.

 

Moritz checked his phone; two texts from Ilse and one from Ernst.  

 **Pirate Queen** : it’s a nice morning

 **Pirate Queen** : suns really bright wtf

 

That was Ilse’s way of checking in with him. Ilse never texted first when she needed to stay with him; she would just climb in through his window which he kept unlocked for her. When she texted like this she was possibly high or just excited about the day.

 **Church Steeple** : yeah it is  
**Church Steeple** : do you want to meet up later?

The text he had received from Ernst made him smile. Ernst Robel was a newer friend; the two had just started hanging out in the last couple months. The boys and girls had gone to different schools after third grade so Moritz saw Ilse less. It was nice to have a friend at school. Ernst’s smile always brightened Moritz’s day and made him feel warm inside.

 **Ernie** : hey! what are you doing after church today?

Moritz was such a loser in his mind; Ernst was far cooler. No one at school wanted anything to do with Moritz and he really didn’t blame them but he had to admit it was great someone found him worthwhile. Two whole people in this world cared about Moritz, maybe even loved him. It was the best feeling, especially when those two people were Ilse Neumann and Ernst Robel.

 **Mo** : gotta do homework but that’s it. might see ilse later, wanna come?

“Son, five minutes!”  
Moritz he hastily threw some clothes on and ran a brush through his hair. 

Moritz sat in the pews with his parents as he waited for the sermon to start. He wished Ilse still came to church; it would be much more fun with her. Ernst was two rows ahead with his own parents and four siblings which made it all the more better; at lease the two boys would have fun once the tedious service was over. Moritz willed himself not to doze off; it hadn’t even started and he was already slipping. Someone walked in that perked him up immediately.

“Welcome to God’s house,” The preacher's calming voice rang out once he had reached the podium. This man wasn't the same man who usually arrived in spring as Father Kaulbatch had retired last year. The new preacher motioned for who Moritz assumed were his wife and son to join him at the podium.

“My name is Father Gabor,” The preacher began, cheerfully. “This is my wife and son. We are very honored to teaching you of God for the next few months”

Father Gabor continued to go on but Moritz wasn’t listening; he was staring at Father Gabor’s son who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world but this chirch. In fact, the preacher's son looked so annoyed that Moritz feared he might burst into flames any second. He continually shot his father dirty looks, especially at mentions of God. Moritz wondered why the boy was so angry; church was boring but it was nothing to get so upset about. It seemed the anger on the boy's features only made him more handsome. Father Gabor’s son was _very_ handsome; like one of those actors in the indie movies Ilse showed him. Even though he was angry, there was the hint of a smirk on his pink lips. It made Moritz’s heart beat faster than it ever had in church. He spent the rest of the service wondering about the mysterious boy. Why was he so angry? Would he be at school tomorrow? What did those smirking lips taste like? 

After church Moritz found himself walking with Ernst and talking of school and friends and other ordinary things. Moritz tried to focus on what Ernst was saying but he found his mind wandering back to the handsome preacher’s son. Moritz wished he had gotten to speak to him after the service. The Gabors were talking to various families and introducing themselves. Father Gabor’s son shook hands with everyone but did not smile; it made him all the more mysterious.

“Moritz? Moritz are you alright?” Ernst had stopped walking about a block back and was trying to stifle his laughter. Moritz blushed and quickly ran back to his friend.

“Uhm, yeah I’m fine. I was just thinking,” Moritz tried his best to be casual about the fact that he had completely zoned out and walked a block without realizing although that wasn't very out of character for him. Ernst looked lovely in the late morning sunlight. The smile he was trying to hide was just adorable and the sun around him put the weak morning light to shame.

“Was it about the preacher’s son?” Ernst asked, a sly smile playing on his lips. Moritz began coughing.

“How did you know?” Moritz asked in disbelief. Ernst giggled at Moritz obliviousness and cuteness.

“I saw you looking at him during the service. He’s pretty cute; I don’t blame you.”

Moritz felt a blush creep up his neck. Ernst was way too perceptive for his own good.

“Also, you’re very easy to read.” For some reason that made Moritz blush much more.

“Did you want to join Ilse and I? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” Moritz changed the subject as they came into the forest.

“Sure,” Ernst smiled.

 

Since the boys and girls went to different schools Moritz only saw Ilse on the weekends. Going to the forest with her was an escape from everything. Moritz could get away from school, his dad, teachers, and everything else he hated about his life. Moritz was more than happy to have Ernst join him in his safe haven. Maybe the forest spot could be a little paradise for all three of them. They could build a little house and live there, together when they grew up. Ilse could make flower arrangements for the windowsills and Ernst would bake them those amazing cookies he made; Moritz couldn't imagine anything more perfect.

 

There she was, right on cue. Ilse was sitting in the tree she and Moritz had designated as their tree, staring off in the distance like a woodland nymph. Her dress and hair blew in the wind and made her all the more majestic.

 

“Ilse!” Moritz called up. She looked down and smiled when she saw him and swung down to greet Moritz with a hug. Moritz curled into her warmth; he didn't like to be touched usually, but Ilse's hugs were the best. When she pulled away he saw her eyes were puffy as though she had been crying but he decided not to bring it up in front of Ernst.

“It’s good to see you.” Ilse seemed so relieved. She still hadn’t taken her eyes off Moritz and didn’t notice Ernst was there.

“You too. You remember Ernst Robel, right?” Moritz gestured to the boy next to him. Ilse approached Ernst cautiously as though she feared he would vanish if she was too fast, a gentle smile on her lips.

“Is it really you, Ernst?” She asked as she gently touched his cheek.

“You’ve grown so much prettier, Ilse.” Ernst smiled fondly at his old friend.

“And you’re so tall and handsome,” she gushed. Moritz gazed fondly as his two friends embraced in their happy reunion, the lush forrest with birds singing softly in the trees make a backdrop straight out of a movie.

The three friends sat at the edge of the clear river to catch up. Moritz and Ilse removed their shoes to feel the cool water run over their feet and Ernst followed suit.

“So there was a new preacher at church today,” Moritz tried to bring it up casually as he fiddled with the tiny daisies growing next to him, but truthfully, he hadn't stopped thinking about the preacher's son since he and Ernst left church. 

“Yeah? Is he hot?” Ilse teased and poked Moritz's side; her old friend was fun to tease.

“No but his son is,” Moritz blurted out and immediately regretted it. Ilse and Ernst started laughing at Moritz’s bluntness.  

“Really? What’s his name?” Ilse asked as she caught her breath.

“I don’t know.” Moritz felt the blush coming back. The thought of the preacher's son was enough to get him flustered, although this was done rather easily.

“His last name is Gabor,” Ernst offered.

“Moritz Gabor,” Ilse tested the name out. “I think it sounds perfect.”

“But not _so_ perfect,” Ernst mumbled, staring at the river.

“I don’t think we’ll be getting married.” Moritz laughed. That was absolutely ridiculous; the Gabor boy would never marry him, although a spring wedding would be nice so that they could enjoy pride together on their honeymoon. Moritz would be fantasizing about it much more if he weren't so afraid of being married.

“It’s cute. I thank you guys would be cute together.”

“You haven’t even met him, Ilse,” Ernst joked, a bit of annoyance hiding in his tone.

“Well Mo hasn’t had a crush since Hansi Rilow in sixth grade,” Ilse pointed out.

“Everyone crushed on Hansi Rilow in sixth grade!” Moritz defended. Ernst laughed in spite of his sour mood.

“You’re not wrong,” he agreed. Personally, he still had a bit of a crush on Hans Rilow.

“I’d just… hate to see how my dad would react,” Moritz sighed. His dad finding out about his bisexuality would make him hate Moritz even more than he already did. There were a few girls in their little town that were out as lesbian or bisexual, but parents expect girls go through a gay phase at some point. Being a homosexual guy was different in the eyes of their elders. 

“To the fact that you like boys?”

Moritz cringed.

“Yeah.”

“Who gives a rat’s ass? If he’s not gonna be supportive then screw him. You deserve better,” Ilse argued.

“She’s right. You deserve to be happy, Mo. Both of you do,” Ernst gushed. 

Moritz smiled. His best friends were the most wonderful people on earth. If his school and home life had to suck so much, he was glad Ilse and Ernst were here to help him through it. 

“Thanks,” Ilse beamed.

Ilse laid back on the soft forest grass to stare up at the bright afternoon sky and Ernst and Moritz soon joined her. Moritz closed his eyes and listened to the gurgling of the river and the birds chirping in the distance. He wished every day could be like this; basking in the sun with his two favorite people. Moritz never wanted to go back to his father or school or anywhere gloomy and sad.

“You guys wanna grab lunch?” Ernst asked after a while.

“I don’t have any money,” Ilse sighed.

“Pshh, I’m paying,” Ernst scoffed, as though it was obvious the whole time. Ilse grinned at that.

“If you insist,” Ilse sprung up to fetch her converse.

“You coming?” Ernst asked as he laced up his shoes. Moritz took a big breath of the sweet piney air before standing up. Ilse and Ernst each took one of Moritz’s hands as the three walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [spring awakening tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/feelssogoodinmyarms) | [main tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/devious-stare)


	2. When I Have You Near Me I Go Out Of My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What was that all about?” Ilse asked, careful not to sound angry.  
> “Nothing,” Ernst sighed.  
> “Oh come on, do you hate Melchior or something?”  
> “No.”  
> “I mean, if he talked that much about atheism and crap I can see how it would be annoying, but I didn’t think…” Ilse trailed off as she thought.  
> “Wait! Do you…?” Ilse trailed off again and Ernst flushed bright red.  
> “Oh my God! You like Moritz!!” Ilse burst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall its chapter 2 yeet!! i havent finished chapter 3 and idk where this is gonna go but i assure u ernitz will be endgame. also the boys and girls go to separate schools idk if that's clear. for the grand finale should melchior a) fall into a volcano b) get eaten by hanschen c) suffer a fatal anal rupture when he tries to anally vore "Faust"?

Moritz stared out the bus window, dread filling up his mind. He was hoping that if he closed his eyes Monday would go by and he’d miss it. There wasn’t anything good to look at out the window anyway; only cookie-cutter suburbia. Moritz was so tired, maybe if he just closed his eyes…

 

“Moritz?” a chipper voice called his name and snapped him out of his half-asleep state. Moritz’s eyes snapped open. Ernst was standing in the aisle, in front of his seat, smiling like an angel. His dark hair was covered with a beanie and a messy strand spilled out on to his forehead. His uniform shirt was wrinkled and he smelled lightly of weed as per usual. 

“Good morning!” He chirped. Moritz moved his backpack between his feet as Ernst slid into the seat.

“I picked these up on my walk here, figured you’d need something to get you through Monday.”

Moritz hadn’t even realized Ernst was holding two coffees. 

“Thank you! I can pay you back the difference if you want, thank you.” Moritz took a sip and burnt his tongue but he didn’t care. God, Ernst was really sweet.

“It’s no trouble, really, just thought I’d help you out.” Ernst’s cheeks were red from the crisp morning. If he was paying attention, he’d see that Ernst was blushing because Moritz looked so cute when his face lit up at the coffee.

“Maybe we could just stay on the bus today? Go downtown and buy a bunch of succulents?” Ernst dreamed aloud. Anything sounded better than school, especially if his totally adorable best friend was there. Moritz couldn’t help but smile when Ernst was around, no matter what they were doing.  

“Sounds good to me,” Moritz chuckled.

“Wanna walk to class?” 

The bus pulled in. Oh Lord, the day was starting. Moritz stumbled off the bus and looked up to see Hanschen Rilow talking to none other than the cute preacher’s son from yesterday. Moritz’s mind raced.

“Isn’t that father Gabor’s son?” Ernst asked, a bit of excitement creeping into his voice.

“Y-yeah, I-”

“Moritz! Ernst!” Hanschen called them over.

Oh God, what could Moritz do? He was gonna fuck up in front of this guy and ruin everything. Ernst grabbed his arm before Moritz could run.

Moritz was standing right in front of the preacher’s son and he was so gorgeous, his hair shone so brightly in the morning sun. He was smiling now and didn’t look angry anymore. His eyes were still somber and held a certain mystery to them and Moritz thought he could melt.

“Moritz, Ernst, this is Melchior. He just moved here from Berlin,” _Melchior_ , it sounded like the name of a Greek God or a delicious, milky drink.

“Sup.” Even Melchior’s voice was sexy.

“Hi,” Ernst chirped. He seemed to be subtly checking out both Hanschen and Melchior.

“Uh, hey.” Moritz tried not to cringe at how dumb he sounded.

“So do you guys-” Hanschen started but was promptly cut off by the bell.

“See you at lunch!” Ernst smiled before turning, still holding Moritz’s arm. Moritz turned to look at the Preacher’s son- _Melchior_ \- again. He couldn’t wait for lunch.

* * *

Herr Knochenbruch was droning on about German history and Moritz was ready to set himself on fire. How long could someone talk about the destruction of Calcutta? He gazed longingly out the window. It was so pretty; the spring flowers beginning to push up and the winter sun becoming brighter. He and Ilse could lay out in the sun and run through the fields and make flower crowns. Ernst could join too, maybe even Melchior. Melchior would look so cute with a little chain of daisies around his head. Moritz could put it on, and Melchior could gaze at him with those gorgeous chocolate-brown eyes. He’d lean in, place his tender hand on Moritz cheek and connect their lips.

Moritz was forced back into reality when Herr Knochenbruch smacked his yardstick into the chalkboard during his lecture. Moritz was suddenly painfully aware of what his fantasy had aroused and thankful for the desk that covered his lap. He looked up to the clock; only fifteen more minutes until lunch.

Moritz spent the rest of the period thinking about what he’d say to Melchior at lunch. Since he seemed to be friends with Hanschen, who usually sat with him and Ernst, Melchior would have to come, right?

He played it out a million different ways but eventually decided to say something along the lines of, “Hey. How you liking school?” It was perfect, foolproof even. After that he could take it up a notch, ask why he was so angry at church. Moritz didn't know where it would go from there but hoped Melchior would talk enough for him to think of something to say.

* * *

The boys had been sitting at lunch for fifteen minutes and Melchior had talked the whole time. Moritz had assumed someone new would be quiet and shy, at least at first. Melchior talked about Berlin and all the culture and all the girls that were in love with him, but he didn’t like the back because none of them saw the world as he did. Melchior discussed the corruptness of the parentocracy and censorship, Moritz held onto every word. Never had he heard someone with such radical thoughts.

“Why were you so upset in church yesterday?” Moritz blurted out when Melchior’s words finally tampered off.

“I’m surprised I haven’t said anything about that yet! I’m glad you asked, Moritz.”

Moritz felt a little shiver when Melchior said his name.

“I’m an atheist. Ever since I found out how sexual intercourse works, I haven’t believed in God. My father blindly insists that God has a plan for us all and decides everything on Earth and heaven, but it just isn’t possible. Why would such a God let such terrible things happen in our world? What proof do we have that we aren’t alone on this planet and always have been?”

Moritz had never known anyone who didn’t believe in God; Melchior made it sounds so silly to do so. Maybe that was what Moritz had been thinking too; perhaps he was an atheist. His head felt light and he couldn’t help but smile. Melchior Gabor was the most wonderful person he’d ever met.

* * *

“He doesn’t believe in anything!” Moritz gushed to Ernst and Ilse after school. The three had met at their spot in the woods again and were working on flower crowns.

“Melchior doesn’t believe in God, or heaven, or anything in the world! And he’s so smart! I feel like an idiot just talking to him.”

Ernst kept his gaze on the crown he was waving but Ilse listened attentively to Moritz rave.

“He sounds perfect, Mo!” Ilse squealed.

“Yeah, perfect,” Ernst remarked, trying to keep the venom out of his voice. Moritz didn’t notice.

“He is. He asked if I wanted to go to his house and study tomorrow evening.” Moritz smiled just remembering the event.

“Oh my God! You’re going, right?” Ilse asked.

“Yes! I’m so glad he likes me!” Moritz couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

“Well have fun and use protection!” Ilse teased. Moritz was about to retort when his phone started ringing. He swallowed hard before answering.

“Hi-... yes… yes, I’ll be right home.” Moritz hung up, the happiness drained from his face.

“It’s my dad, he wants me to come home.”

“Is everything okay? He won’t… right?” Ilse asked cautiously.

“No, he doesn’t seem mad.”  
“Okay, well tell us about your study date!” Ilse insisted, trying to bring his happiness back.

“I will!” Moritz smiled again, remembering the exciting afternoon he had planned. He hugged his two friends goodbye trudging off.

Ernst sighed and turned back to his flower crown.

“What was that all about?” Ilse asked, careful not to sound angry.

“Nothing,” Ernst sighed.

“Oh come on, do you hate Melchior or something?”

“No.”

“I mean, if he talked that much about atheism and crap I can see how it would be annoying, but I didn’t think…” Ilse trailed off as she thought.

“Wait! Do you…?” Ilse trailed off again and Ernst flushed bright red.

“Oh my God, you like Moritz!” Ilse burst. Ernst tried to stammer out a retaliation but was too flustered.

“How long have you liked him? Are you gonna ask him out? Does he know?” Ilse rambled off questions, utterly excited at a possible romance in their tiny friend group.

“I can’t! He likes Melchior and this is stupid. I don’t wanna ruin our friendship or scare him off,” Ernst groaned.

“How long have you liked him?” Ilse asked again, gentler.

“A couple of months I guess. I mean, how could I not? He’s adorable and smart and funny, his eyes just sparkle when he talks about music and-” Ilse had a knowing smirk on her face. Ernst’s head slumped into his hands.

“Maybe Moritz wouldn’t like Melchior if he knew how you felt,” Ilse offered.

“But maybe he’d be totally weirded out and never speak to me again.”

Ilse sighed and placed the flower crown she’d made onto Ernst’s head.

“Will you at least try to talk to him about it?” she asked. He gave a small smile and slid the daisy crown he had made onto her head.

"I'll try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was kidding melchior wont die i swear i dont hate him. finals are coming up but hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!!! come visit me on my tumblr [@feelssogoodinmyarms](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/feelssogoodinmyarms) for more homosexualtea and more fAuST if you're into that :)


	3. How can I ever change the things that I feel?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moritz felt like throwing up and squealing with joy simultaneously. He’d been nervous all day and the moment had finally come; he was going to Melchior Gabor’s house to study, just three days after meeting him. Ilse been texting him all day, joking about what “coming over to study” could be a euphemism for. Ernst had been surprisingly quiet and never showed up to lunch, which was unlike him, but Moritz was too preoccupied to think about that.  
> or  
> Moritz and Melchi go on their study date, but will it be as good as Moritz hopes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year motha bitches!!! i wanna thank my girl becki (goldenheartprincess on here, check her out) who helped me glo up my writing. i recommend re-reading the previous two chapters bc they sound much better now. also i have ideas on where to go with this so u can look out for more updates :)

Moritz felt like throwing up and squealing with joy simultaneously. He’d been nervous all day and the moment had finally come; he was going to Melchior Gabor’s house to study, just three days after meeting him. Ilse been texting him all day, joking about what “coming over to study” could be a euphemism for. Ernst had been surprisingly quiet and never showed up to lunch, which was unlike him, but Moritz was too preoccupied to think about that.

Now he was walking to the front of the school to meet Melchior and really wanted to turn around and run, but he knew he’d regret it if he did. He rounded the corner, his heart in his throat, only to find that Melchior wasn’t there. He tried to be cool and mess around on his phone but after five minutes, he felt like exploding. By the time Melchior did show up, ten minutes later, Moritz was about to bail and full of anxiety.

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, I was discussing _Faust_ with Herr Sonnenstich,” Melchior beamed as though he were proud of himself.

“Really?” Was all Moritz could stutter out. Melchior was so gorgeous, especially with that blinding smile he now wore, that it was impossible to focus on conversation.

“Yes! The bastard was obviously misinterpreting the story, especially at the part where-“ Melchior continued to drone on about _Faust_ as they made their way to the Gabor house. To be honest, Moritz had no idea what he was talking about and it was a little boring. But Melchior was so cute, his cheeks flushed as he got more passionate and animated, that rather than drone him out, Moritz tried his best to comprehend what he was saying.

“Anyway, what do you think? Oh wait, this is my house!” Melchior made a sharp turn toward a sturdy house covered in ivy with a U-Haul in the driveway. Moritz was grateful that he didn’t need to respond to Melchior’s question as he really had no idea what Melchior was talking about.

Melchior held the door as Moritz entered and he felt his chest flutter at the chivalry. This was going to be quite an afternoon.

The two boys sat at Melchior’s “study” which was actually a table with two chairs in his bedroom. Because almost everything was still in boxes, the table and chairs were boxes, but Melchior swore it was usually a table and chairs.

“You’ll have to excuse the mess, it’ll be better in a week or so,” Melchior apologized.

“It’s fine, really.” The two sat in silence on the boxes. Moritz fiddled with his jacket nervously in effort to look presentable. The room was painted a dull beige and a beat up light fixture hung in the middle of the ceiling. Melchior had a “Star Wars” bedspread, something that Moritz hadn’t expected but found adorable.

“Moritz, in my study, there’s only one rule. I’ve never been one for rules and don’t care to have them in a place I call my own” Melchior paused a minute.  “The only rule is that nothing we say here leaves this study.”

Moritz cocked his head in confusion; why was something like that considered a rule?.

“I believe that it’s important to have safe spaces as adolescents” Melchior clarified. “With all the judgement we phase from our peers and the parentocracy, it’s crucial to have somewhere we can express ourselves free of consequence.”

“Oh. That’s a pretty good idea,” Moritz agreed, hoping he didn’t sound as stupid as he thought.

“I’ve been talking a lot this afternoon. Why don’t you reveal something, free of judgement? I promise I won’t tell anyone if you promise not to as well.”

“Uh, sure.” Moritz could feel his heart pounding. Did Melchior know about his crush? Did Melchior want to tell _him_ something?

“I, uh, hate my dad.” That was the first thing that fell out of his mouth. Melchior’s face lit up.

“I don’t want him to die or anything! I just feel like I let him down no matter what. I wanna be a good son, I guess, and I already know I’m a failure. He only reinforces the idea. It kinda sucks, I guess.” Moritz was staring at a half-unpacked box across the room when he finished.

“I think that’s completely understandable!” Melchior exclaimed, excited that Moritz shared in his hatred for adults.

“You can see what I’m saying, right? The parentocracy makes people like us feel unworthy when in reality, we’re just figuring ourselves out!”

“People like us?” Moritz asked. His heart fluttered at the thought that Melchior thought of himself and Moritz as similar.

“Yes! People who are affected by the parentocracy.”

Moritz scoffed.

“My dad would love if I was more like you.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to act less like me.”

“Melchior, you’re good at everything! You always have something to say and know what you’re doing! I’m just an idiot who can’t think for himself!”

“Aw, Mo, you’re none of that. My parents hate me because I refuse to accept their ideas of what a son should be. I refuse to conform, and that’s why adults hate me. You have great things to say.”

Moritz smiled.

“Really?”

“Of course! Some may not consider me inept for-” Melchior continued ranting. Moritz was pleased with the compliment, but grew bored of Melchior’s raving. He found himself wondering what Ernst and Ilse were up to.

* * *

At that same moment, Ilse and Ernst were at the Robel house. Ilse was asleep sideways on Ernst’s bed, still in her school uniform. Ernst was on his phone on the window seat. He was taking yet another “Does He Like Me Quiz?” because it was the only thing that allayed his Moritz-related stress. He sighed again.

“Shut up!” Ilse groaned.

“I thought you were asleep,” Ernst muttered.

Ilse complained, “You’re so lovesick; it’s disgusting.”

“You have no idea what it’s like to love someone who will never love you back.”

“I know tons about that.”  
“Wait, what?” Ernst looked up from his phone screen.

“Ugh, forget it!”

“No, no, I have to know who you’re in love with!” Ernst bounded over to join her on the bed.

“It’s stupid.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“I’m not gonna tell you!”

“Is it Martha Bessel?”

“No.”

“It’s not Moritz, is it?”

Ilse laughed, “Not since I was like, twelve.”

“Is it Wendla Bergmann?”

Ilse didn’t respond, just stared down at the bed.

“No way!”

“Shut up!”

“You have the hots for Wendla?” Ernst squealed.

Ilse groaned, “It doesn't matter! She’s totally straight!”

“Have you asked her?”

“No, but she won’t shut up about that Gabor kid either, so I’m pretty sure.”

Ernst bit his lip to hold back laughter, thinking about how much easier his life would be without Melchior in it. "Maybe we should send him back to Berlin."

"Put him in a cardboard box!" Ilse said, throwing her head back in roaring laughter.

"And poke some holes in it," Ernst added, his words far more angry than his heart ever was. Interrupting the moment of friendship and bonding, his phone started buzzing.

“Ernst?” Moritz’s voice rang out on the other end, more anxious than usual.

“Mo! What’s up?” Ernst said a bit too loudly, a blush already rising in his cheeks.

“Can you come pick me up?” Moritz asked.

“Yeah, of course, is everything okay?”

Ilse knit her brow together in concern, watching and straining to listen to Moritz's side of the conversation.

“Yeah, I just want to leave. My dad’s at work till late and I don’t know how to get home from here. Can you pretend like something came up and you have to get me?”

“Totally, I’m on my way. Send me the address.”

“Thank you, Ernie,” Moritz sighed, relieved. Ernst hung up, still blushing.

“What’s wrong?” Ilse asked.

“No idea, he wants us to come get him.”

“From Melchior’s?”

“Yeah,” Ernst smiled in spite of the situation.

“Well, come on! Go start the car!” Ilse shouted, already grabbing her jacket.

Ernst jumped up and ran downstairs. Had Moritz’s study date really gone that badly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there u go!! please leave comments and kudos you don't need an ao3 to do so. i also made a great comet blog [@pearls-in-the-country-charmante](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pearls-in-the-country-charmante) if you're into that. till next time keep on hating melchior my sweet uwu babeys.


	4. Be Still, My Indelible Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Because the Latin root ''con `` means ''not ``, we can infer that the passage-” Melchior had gone off on yet another tangent about the origin of a Latin word. While it was adorable at first, they had been studying Latin for an hour and Moritz still didn’t understand it any more than he had when they started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me??? finally updating after 7 months???? it's more likely than u think. Thanks to Justine ([@insertpoetryhere](https://insertpoetryhere.tumblr.com/)) for beta reading!! Also the title is from "Wasteland Baby!" by Hozier but im sure yall gays already knew that. Enjoy :)

“Because the Latin root ''con `` means ''not ``, we can infer that the passage-” Melchior had gone off on yet another tangent about the origin of a Latin word. While it was adorable at first, they had been studying Latin for an hour and Moritz still didn’t understand it any more than he had when they started. 

“Right, but how do I know which tense to use?” Moritz asked, trying not to sound frustrated. 

“Well, upon closer examination of the text-” 

“Moritz!” Frau Gabor called up. “Your ride is here!” 

Moritz sighed in relief, packing up his things. “I should be going, thank you for your help, Melchior.” 

“Of course. Maybe we could study at your place tomorrow?” Melchior suggested.

“I can’t tomorrow, I have uh, Jew Club,” Moritz lied. He and Wendla Bergmann had joked about starting one back when they were closer although no such club had ever been erected.

“Oh. Well, soon, then.”

“Yeah, soon.” Moritz was hastily shoving papers into his backpack when he felt Melchior kiss his cheek. Moritz froze and looked up. To his astonishment, Melchior was blushing.   
“I’ll walk you out,” He muttered. 

* * *

“Moritz!” Ilse yelled when she saw the boy leave the Gabor house. She jumped out of Ernst’s car and hugged him. 

“Are you okay?” She asked once they broke apart, worry wrinkling her face. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Moritz had the dumbest grin on his face and Ilse couldn’t fathom why. 

“What did you smoke?” she asked. 

“What? I didn’t smoke anything! Jeez!” Moritz laughed as he walked to Ernst’s car. 

“Mo! Are you okay?” Ernst asked when Moritz jumped into the backseat. 

“Yeah, I’m great actually,” Moritz sighed.

“Really? You sounded so worried on the phone.” 

“Well, he wouldn’t shut up about Latin roots and the creation of arithmetic!” Moritz giggled. 

“And that’s funny?” Ilse asked, still confused. 

“No, it was boring as hell. But he kissed me, right here.” Moritz gingerly touched the spot Melchior had kissed.

“Oh,” Ernst muttered as he started the car. 

“Are you guys dating?” Ilse asked, sounding less excited than she had been about him and Melchior lately. 

“No, I don’t think so,” Moritz sighed. “I don’t know if I want to date him.”

“Really?” Ernst's ears perked up at the revelation.

“Yeah. He’s cute and all, but he never shuts up. I don’t know if I could put up with that.”

 

Moritz stared out the window while they drove Ilse home. The streetlights shone on the pavement creating a beautiful golden illusion. Ilse singing softly to the radio was so soothing that Moritz momentarily forgot about his Melchior predicament. 

“Could I stay at yours tonight?” Moritz asked Ernst after they dropped her off. Ernst’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?” 

Moritz sighed. “Yeah, I just don’t want to go home. I can’t deal with him tonight.” 

Ernst could understand that, he would be a mess if he had to live with Herr Stiefel. The man was constantly irritated, rude and spouted negative energy on the daily; not the kind of person Ernst wanted to associate with, never mind live with. 

It was hard to believe that someone as wonderful as Moritz could come from Herr Stiefel. Ernst knew Moritz had dangerously low self esteem but he couldn’t fathom why. Moritz was far from perfect but Ernst didn’t want perfect. As much as he hated to admit it, Ernst wanted the boy with the sad eyes and wild hair who said the smartest things without realizing it. He wanted Moritz and everything that came with him. 

“It’s only six, do you want to go to the waffle house?” 

Moritz smiled, his eyes glancing downward, as though he wished to hide his happiness. It was adorable and Ernst had to quickly shift his eyes back to the road so he wouldn’t hit the curb. 

“Yeah, let’s go.”

* * *

Ernst and Moritz sat in comfortable silence in their booth. Ernst was thinking about homework, school, laundry, basically anything to keep from staring at Moritz like an idiot. 

“What are you thinking about?” Ernst noticed Moritz was now resting his chin in his hands, an inquisitive eyebrow raised. He was much more at ease than when he left Melchior’s house. 

“I dunno. Tonight, Ilse, you, Melchior, that kind of thing.” Moritz didn’t realize the shy smile that spread across Ernst’s face when he mentioned he was thinking about Ernst. He wanted to ask Moritz why he was thinking about him, try to get him to admit something more, but what came out was, “Why Ilse?” 

Moritz chuckled. “She likes Wendla a lot but Wendla’s crushing on Melchi too. It makes me wish Ilse would make a move already, but I don’t know if it’s for Ilse’s sake or to improve my chances with Melchi.” Moritz shifted in his seat. “Does that make me a bad friend?” 

Ernst wanted to laugh. Truth be told, he wished Wendla would get with Melchior so Moritz would stop pursuing him. Ernst thought that made him a much worse friend than Moritz. 

“Not at all! I mean, crushes make us do crazy things. Or love, if you call it that.” Ernst cringed at how dumb he sounded but Moritz just smiled. 

“Do you believe in love, Ernst?” 

“Well of course, why wouldn’t I?”

Moritz shifted his eyes down again, which Ernst once again thought was adorable. “I don’t know. Melchior said he doesn’t. He says everyone in this world is too egotistical and selfish to love. I sometimes wonder if I could change his mind on that.”

Melchior would know about selfishness and ego. Ernst was about to comment something snide of that nature when their dinner arrived.

“Perhaps,” Ernst mumbled to himself. 

* * *

Later that night, Ernst stared at the ceiling in the dark. He couldn’t stop thinking about Moritz, Melchior, and Wendla. Mostly Moritz though. There was no doubt that he’d be able to convince Melchior there was such a thing as love, unless Melchior was colder than Ernst had previously thought. Melchior was smart,  _ too _ smart. He would manipulate Moritz so he’d never leave Melchior; make him think he was unworthy of love from anyone else. Melchior was dripping with pride and conceit; Moritz didn’t deserve to be his outlet. 

Or maybe that wouldn’t be the case at all. Maybe Melchior and Moritz would make each other really happy. He already made Moritz happier than Ernst had seen him in a month, who was Ernst to deny him that? There were already too many people in Moritz’s life that stood in the way of his happiness. Ernst picked up his phone. 

 

**ernie bells** : why can’t I just be happy for him? 

**queen ilse** 💜: bcuz u want him to want you

**ernie bells** : hngggg

 

Ernst rolled over to look at Moritz, asleep on the air mattress next to Ernst’s bed. He faced away from Ernst, his breathing steady and even. Moritz’s legs twitched a little, sort of like they did when he was in a long lecture. He looked incredibly comfortable for someone on an air mattress, Ernst almost wanted to cuddle up next to him. 

Ernst tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. He kept finding himself looking at Moritz’s sleeping figure which was totally creepy and not something he should be doing, but Ernst looked anyway. Moritz’s legs twitched again, more violently this time. He tensed up and whimpered something unintelligible as he continued to twitch. Ernst wondered if he should wake Moritz up, but that was something a weirdo who was watching his best friend sleep would do, so he decided against it. It wouldn’t have made much of a difference, because after thrashing about for a few more seconds, Moritz awoke with a strained cry. Ernst quickly shut his eyes and tried his best to pretend to be asleep. 

“Ernst?” Moritz whispered. Ernst wanted to pretend to be sleeping a little longer to make the act more convincing, but he was too worried about Moritz to keep on pretending. 

“Yeah?” 

“I uh, I-I,” Moritz stammered. Ernst realized he didn’t want to look childish and admit he had a night terror. 

“Are you okay? You sound spooked, did you have another dream?”

“Uh, yeah. It was my dad, he got the belt out and- oh God, Ernst,” Moritz curled into himself. This frightened little boy was so far from the beaming, inquisitive young man at the waffle house. Ernst hated it, he wanted to fight off anything that would upset Moritz so much. 

“It’s okay, he’s gone. You’re safe here, don’t worry.” Ernst looked at Moritz, still shaking on the air mattress. 

“Do you want to, uh, come over here?” Ernst offered. Thank goodness it was dark and Moritz couldn’t see the blush that was quickly spreading across Ernst’s face. 

“Would that be okay?”

“Yeah of course! Get over here, sleepyhead.” 

Moritz slipped into bed next to Ernst, his body cold against the other boy. 

“You’re the best, Ernie,” Moritz whispered. Ernst chuckled nervously, trying not to make this awkward. Moritz’s body was still rigid and Ernst ran the side of his finger down Moritz’s arm. 

“You’re okay, Mo. I’m right here, he won’t get to you now.”

“Do you mind if I, uh.”

“No, go ahead.”

Moritz hesitantly wrapped an arm around Ernst’s mid-section. Ernst wrapped one around Moritz, a little higher than the one around him. It still felt awkward so Ernst came up with a new plan. 

“Mo, roll over.”

“What? Why?” 

“Just do it.” 

Once Moritz complied Ernst wrapped his arms around him, pressing their bodies together. 

“Is this okay?”

Moritz clutched one of Ernst’s arms that held him and his shaking began to subside. 

“Uh-huh.”

Ernst laid there and listened to Moritz’s breathing start to slow, the tremors subsiding. He buried his head in Moritz’s shoulder, reveling in the closeness. But not too much, this could totally be interpreted as a tactic to calm Moritz down. 

“Night, sweetie.” Ernst whispered to his sleeping friend. 

“Good night, dear,” Moritz giggled. Ernst felt his cheeks burn and wanted to disappear, but he was enjoying being pressed against Moritz too much for that. He put the events of the day out of his mind, focusing on Moritz’s breathing, Moritz’s hand in his, Moritz, Moritz, Moritz. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the next chapter rn, stay tuned!! Come talk to me about ernitz and such on tumblr [@feelssogoodinmyarms](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/feelssogoodinmyarms). See you soon <3


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